Are you striving to find that special someone to be in a healthy, trusting relationship with? Things tend to go smoothly in the beginning, but eventually they become uneasy. It’s almost like an ongoing battle—prolonged conversations about feelings, expectations, and appointments. All of this can be tiring and mentally draining.

Why does dating have to be so complicated? Can’t we simply accept our feelings for one another, be honest, and just act naturally?

✦ ✦ ✦

Where Dating Games Begin

Think of your first relationship or dating experience. In the beginning, most people follow their hearts with hope and sincerity—until they experience their first rejection.

We all know how rejection feels, and most of us do not wish to go through it again. Moving forward, we start protecting ourselves by playing dating games.

We start trusting “the rules” because they’re supposed to lead us in the right direction and create the best outcome. Just like any other rules created to support our life and make it easier, we start relying on these dating rules—allowing them to lead us, make decisions for us, and direct our actions.

Why? Because we don’t trust ourselves. We’re too scared of stepping into territory where the risks are higher—even though the rewards are much more satisfying too.

Common Dating Games

Dating games take many forms, but they all share one thing in common: they’re driven by fear rather than authenticity.

🎭Playing hard to get — Hiding genuine interest to appear more desirable

⏰The waiting game — Deliberately delaying responses to seem less eager

🧪Testing — Creating situations to see how the other person reacts

😶Withholding — Holding back feelings, affection, or information as leverage

📊Keeping score — Tracking who did what and expecting reciprocation

🎣Jealousy tactics — Trying to make the other person feel threatened

All of these games are exhausting—and they don’t create the genuine connection we’re actually seeking.

The Cost of Playing Games

As a result of playing the game, we feel worn out. We become dependent on the rules, acting not according to our desires and impulses—what we want to do—but what we have to do.

We create expectations of other people based on our own ideas of what they expect from us. In other words, we begin living in a fantasy world about what’s going on—reacting not to the real person’s actions or words, but to how we interpret them.

Funny enough, we take this matter so seriously that we blame the other person for not meeting our expectations. But in all fairness—why should they? They never agreed to the script we wrote in our heads.

What we often forget is that going after what we truly believe in—regardless of the result—is empowering. It allows us to follow our true selves instead of being part of the game.

The Deeper Pattern: Adult Emotional Dependency

As we transition from sincere and genuine young people to troubled and disheartened adults, we get held back by our fear of being rejected or judged. We search for acceptance, so we embrace social rules in an effort to reach our goals of connection.

We all look to external sources for the contentment that will make us happy—just like how later in a relationship, we depend on the other person to make us feel good. This is the pattern described in understanding what drives relationships.

Adult Emotional Dependency (AED) is the root cause of dating games. When we depend on external sources for love, validation, acceptance, and direction—we play games to try to secure these things from others.

As explained in understanding AED, this dependency is natural in childhood but should resolve by puberty. When it doesn’t, we continue seeking externally what we should be generating internally.

When the Games Start in Relationships

After being together with someone for some time, changes take place. Suddenly rules seem irrelevant, and this leaves us feeling let down. The truth is that your partner has only become comfortable enough to express who they truly are.

But are we ever prepared to deal with the real person instead of someone guided by social standards and expectations?

When this isn’t the case, games begin again—this time to gain control, attention, or love. The relationship becomes another arena for the same patterns, just like unhealthy love where rails try to cross instead of running parallel.

Breaking Free: The Path to Game-Free Dating

Self-leadership and self-sufficiency are the way out of dating games. To get there, we must re-evaluate our relationship with the world.

At birth, our dependence on others for care, love, and guidance is natural. As we grow up, however, we’re expected to take on responsibility for ourselves and become independent. If this lesson wasn’t adequately taught in childhood, many people continue relying on outside sources for comfort and direction throughout life.

To break free from this way of living, one must:

✓ Take control of your own mind and body
✓ Self-adopt—become your own source of love, acceptance, validation, and direction
✓ Take responsibility for your personal, professional, and emotional success
✓ Develop emotional self-reliance

Self-love and self-acceptance are essential when it comes to loving and relating to others without relying on them. As explored in The Power of Unconditional Love, when you love yourself unconditionally, you can love others the same way.

What Happens When Games End

When emotional self-reliance is achieved, everything changes:

🛡️Impervious to judgment — What the world thinks about you no longer controls your behavior

🎯No need to compete — You stop competing for rules or prizes and start formulating your own based on your values

💚Choice-based relationships — You choose partners from a place of desire and conscious choice, rather than fear or need

😌Authentic connection — You can be yourself without fear, attracting others who appreciate the real you

🕊️Freedom from exhaustion — No more mental drain from keeping up with rules and strategies

The Bosurgi Mind Fitness Method® provides a structured path to developing this self-reliance. Through CognitiveOS Hypnosis®, the subconscious patterns that drive game-playing can be addressed and resolved.

The Captain You® 50-Day Program offers a self-guided approach to ending dating games forever—by becoming the secure, self-reliant person who doesn’t need them.

✦ ✦ ✦

Explore Mind Fitness Resources

✔ Adult Emotional Dependency (AED)
✔ Emotional Self-Reliance
✔ The Bosurgi Mind Fitness Method®
✔ Brainpower & Mental Performance
✔ The Nature of Anxiety
✔ Guided Meditations
✔ Captain You® 50-Day Program
✔ Working With Luca

✦ ✦ ✦

Luca Bosurgi
Mind Fitness Coach & Cognitive Researcher
Creator of the Bosurgi Mind Fitness Method® and CognitiveOS Hypnosis®. Over 30 years helping individuals end dating games by developing the emotional self-reliance that allows for authentic, fulfilling relationships.

✦ ✦ ✦