Are you striving to find that special someone to be in a healthy, trusting relationship with? Things tend to go smoothly in the beginning but eventually things become uneasy. It’s almost like an ongoing battle between prolonged conversations about feelings, expectations and appointments. All of this can be tiring and mentally draining. Why does it have to be so complicated? Can’t we simply accept our feelings for one another, be honest and just act naturally?
In order to answer this question, think of your first relationship or dating experience. In the beginning, most people follow their hearts with hope and sincerity until they experience their first rejection. We all know how it feels and most of us do not wish to go through it again. Moving forward, we start protecting ourselves by playing a dating game.
We start trusting the rules because they are supposed to lead us in the right direction and create the best outcome whether it is going into the relationship or dating a variety of people. Just like any other rules which are created to support our life and make it easier and better, we start relying on the rules and we allow them to lead us, making decisions for us and directing our actions. Why? Because we don’t trust ourselves, we are too scared of stepping into the territory where the risks are higher, but the rewards are much more satisfying too. What we often forget, though, is that going after what we truly believe in, regardless of the result, is empowering by all means because it allows us to follow our true selves instead of being part of the game. When we are not confident in ourselves and afraid that the other person will not like us for who we are, we trust the rules and we believe that they will put us in a safer place.
As a result of playing the game, we feel worn out because we became dependent on the rules, we were not acting according to our desires and impulses, which is what we want to do, but what we have to do.
We create expectations of other people and we create our own ideas of what they expect from us, which is another fascinating phenomenon. In other words, we begin to live in our own fantasy world about what is going on, reacting not to the real person’s actions or words, but to how we interpret them. Funny enough, we take this matter so seriously, and we blame the other person for not meeting our expectations. But in all fairness, why should they?
As we transition from sincere and genuine young people to troubled and disheartened adults, we get held back by our fear of being rejected or judged. We search for acceptance, so we embrace the foundations of society in an effort to reach our goals of connection. We all look to external sources for the contentment that will make us happy, just like how later on in a relationship we depend on the other person to make us feel good. However, after being together with them for some time, we find that there are changes taking place – suddenly rules seem to be irrelevant and this leaves us feeling let down. The truth is that your partner has only become comfortable enough to express who they truly are.
But are we ever prepared to deal with the real person instead of someone guided by social standards and expectations? When this isn’t the case, then games often begin in order gain control, attention or love.
Self-leadership and self-sufficiency can be our way out of this game. To get there, we should re-evaluate our relationship with the world. It is not a complicated concept, but it can have a significant impact on how we think and perceive things. At birth, our dependence on others for care, love and guidance is natural. As we grow up, however, it is expected that we will take on responsibility for ourselves so as to become independent. However, if this lesson was not adequately taught in childhood, many people will continue to rely on outside sources for comfort and direction throughout life.
ample of an independent, satisfied and self-supportive lifestyle. They may leave us feeling inadequate and ill-equipped for leading lives in which we exercise authority, critique or institute a multitude of regulations. Affection and attention become tied to certain requirements and life becomes a rivalry for acquiring these invaluable assets. In recent years, Luca Bosurgi has theorized their dependence on the outer world in maturity as an exacerbated instinct referred to as Adult Emotional Dependency (AED).
To break free from this way of living, one must take control of their own mind and body, be self-responsible for providing love, acceptance, validation and direction; as well as ensuring their personal, professional and emotional success. Self-love and consent are essential when it comes to loving and relating to others without relying on them. When this is achieved, we become impervious to what the world thinks about us; uninterested in competing for rules or prizes; instead formulating our own based on our values and ideas. We can then choose partners and relationships originating from a place of desire and a conscious choice. rather than fear or need.
Author: Julia Lyubchenko