Adult Emotional Dependency (AED )
The problem : Dependency Causes Suffering
Our human nature is to become self-reliant and emotionally independent in adulthood. Emotionally independent individuals are able to interact freely and comfortably with partners, families, friends and community – from a place of equality and personal empowerment. This allows us to be socially inter-dependent, the ability to interact and share our lives with people by free choice – not constrained by fear and need.
Emotional dependency in adulthood builds complex and painful layers of anxiety and fear and typically results in several debilitating emotions/feelings. These include, fear of rejection, judgment and abandonment, social and performance anxiety, confidence and relationship issues, neediness, numbness, insecurity, narcissism, arrogance, sadness, loneliness, procrastination, addictions, and in severe cases, depression. Dependency also overwhelms our brainpower, thereby reducing our overall performance capabilities.
Cause: Missing Parental Models is the cause of dependency
We are born with the tools needed to become emotionally mature and self-reliant as we move from childhood into young adulthood. During our childhood these tools remain undeveloped and/or dormant, causing us to be dependent on our parents or guardians. As we approach puberty our natural need for self-leadership and emotional independence begin to awaken with the purpose of converting our relationships from dependent to independent. The level of success we achieve in our transition to emotional independence is determined by the life-models we learned from our parents.
Though this is Nature’s plan, it frequently fails because our parents and/or guardians have not achieved emotional independence themselves, so they cannot model and teach these essential life skills to their children. Without good parental models of self-leadership and self-reliance we become either unaware or unable to make the shift from dependency to self-reliance. This missing developmental stage keeps us unable to self-satisfy our emotional needs throughout our life, thus emotionally dependent from the world around us. This highly vulnerable state causes a variety of consequences and unhealthy behaviors related to emotional dependency. In severe cases can cause feelings of isolation, leading to self-medication through alcohol, drugs, or to other unhealthy behaviors including depression, violence or suicide.
Solution: Presenting and Implementing A Model of Self-Leadership
Mind Fitness™ helps you to conquer emotional independence, releasing all unwanted layers of anxiety and fear. By clearing your mind and making inefficient behaviors built around dependency obsolete, your mind will redirect your brainpower towards creating efficient behaviors, performance, self-confidence, efficiency, clarity, and happiness.
The 12 session basic program of emotional and spiritual education blended with guided meditations, provides an emotional framework that mimics the parental models needed to provide the confidence of self-leadership. Once the framework is in-place and the capacity for self-reliance is engaged, Mind Fitness™ guides and trains your mind to clear away unwanted layers of anxiety and fears. Within a couple of weeks of completing the program daily feelings of isolation created by dependency are transformed into the ability to relate comfortably and inter-dependently, through the prism of choice and not need, with others.
The effect is staggering – the isolation created by dependency is transformed to enjoyable inter-dependent relationships with others – where you finally see and enjoy the world around you without anxiety or fears, acting by choice instead of need. Obsolete behaviors built around dependency thus disappear – allowing the mind to redirect the reclaimed brainpower and use it to achieve higher levels of performance, efficiency and happiness in every area of your life. More about Adult Emotional Dependency (AED) here…
The AED symtoms
Fear of experiencing:
Belief in the need for:
- External leadership and validation
- Over-giving to being a ‘pleaser’
- Accepting abuse to get affection
- Neediness and self-focus
- Social anxiety
- Chronic insecurity
- Lacking an identity
- Being a fraud and a failure
- Being a child in a world of adults
- Resentment for the lack of external leadership and support
Emotional dependency throughout adult life creates:
- Feeling overwhelmed and tired
- Dependency in relationships
- Loneliness and solitude
- Loss of spirit-mind connection
- Panic attacks
- Chronic anger
- Unwarranted fears
- An inferiority complex
- Antisocial tendencies
- Emotional and spiritual numbness
- Borderline personality
- Unsuccessful personal life and relationships
- Unfulfilled artistic and professional aspirations
Living without AED
- Become emotionally self-sufficient and independent.
- Enhance strengths and confidence – establishing leadership in the professional and personal life.
- Clear the real cause of addictions – taking control over life’s events.
- Manage successfully thoughts, feelings and emotions.
- Enhance creative, academic, artistic and athletic performances.
- Spark attraction – experiencing fulfilling, happy and balanced relationships.
- Clear procrastination, getting things done – achieving life-long goals.
- Free the natural powers – gaining efficiency and success in every aspects of life.
- Establish an efficient spirit-mind alignment – accessing unconditional happiness.
- Fully capitalize on the therapeutic and self-development work done in the past, and the future efforts invested in personal development.
What is Emotional Dependency?Precious in childhood – devastating in adulthood.
The hidden secret of anxiety revealed… Voice Paul Skye
With 25 years of research and healing the mind, I realized that we are targeting the wrong culprits, focusing mind-healing on traumas and bad habits. Working successfully with over 3,000 clients, I’ve proved that traumas are just secondary causes in mental challenges, and poor habits are often merely byproducts. The unspoken cause, responsible for most of the anxiety, fear and addictions that dramatically affect our society, lies in a condition still unexplored: Adult Emotional Dependency (AED).
Adult Emotional Dependency (AED) defines the devastating mental condition caused by the continuation in adulthood of Emotional Dependency – a vital behavior, hardcoded in our mind to protect and stimulate our development during childhood.During Childhood, we learn how to become self-sufficient adults. Throughout this period, children are inexperienced, vulnerable and unaware of their needs – thus, nature has included in human’s DNA a hard-coded behavior that actively compels in kids the need of been cared, protected, loved, validated and guided by their parents and caretakers. This precious behavior, defined as Emotional Dependency, is programmed by nature to terminate as soon we become self-reliant, typically just before puberty.
Children learn self-reliance from their parents, which are typically great educator in the physical aspect of becoming independent, teaching their children how to eat, dress, take care of their bodies and generate income. Unfortunately, most parents are unaware of the emotional side of self-reliance, being Emotional Dependent in adulthood themselves, therefore they don’t teach their kids the skills to self-provide love, validation, protection and guidance.
If you don’t know that you can or you have to do it, you don’t do it. Therefore, young adults don’t embrace their own emotional fulfillments. This, lack of self-reliance keeps active Emotional Dependency in adulthood, which carries on compelling emotional needs yet redirected from parents to friends, partners, colleagues and people in general. But people are not surrogating parents bound by parental love, thus are usually unwilling and unable to satisfy our emotional needs. This is felt as rejection and lack of support, triggering fear of rejection, judgment, abandonment, lack of confidence, lack of identity, feeling unsafe, being a people pleaser, narcissism or emotionally numb if the pain is too great, and byproducts such as anxiety, fear, anger, addiction sadness, social anxiety, isolation, neediness, confusion, overwhelm and feeling stuck, poor performance, procrastination, lack of focus, depression and addictions. These emotional struggles massively misuse brainpower causing poor performances in every aspect of life, work, school and sport. This condition defines Adult Emotional Dependency (AED).
Fortunately, we can resolve these condition in a rather short time implementing emotional self-reliance. As soon the missing parental self-reliance models are acquired and implemented, AED ceases and the connected emotional consequences are cleared. The emotional freedom produced by the termination of AED, provides the ability to transform the needs produced by dependency to the autonomy of choice offered by interdependency; it also frees all the brainpower misused by AED, which becomes available for high-performance, creativity and happiness.
Excerpt of the Tech Talk – ‘Reaching Pick Mind Performance’ @ Google Global Head Office Venice -CA11/8/2016 – Voice P. Skype
This short tale features a girl that grows-up in a household that is not aware about emotional self-reliant ei. self-love, self-protection and self-leadership (the running water) – and depicts the transformation that she experiences when she discovers her own powers.
“The man who started the beginning of the rest of my life. I have spent most of my life medicated for depression and anxiety and before seeing Luca waking up used to be the most painful part of my day and going to sleep was the highlight. I just couldn’t get out of bed and face the day. It took me 25 years to find Luca and two short months to start rebuilding myself from hell to heaven step by step. Easily the best time and money I have ever invested. Luca is a really special guy and it’s been a privilege. ” Alison (Ally) Andrews – Advertising Executive London.Genbook
“Before I found Luca Bosurgi, I had been on the warpath of finding understanding. The truth. The reason for all of this. Self-help books, yoga, new dance classes, becoming vegan, meditation, channeling light-workers… you name it. I had it all. All of the answers. Everything was making more sense to me, the world seemed clearer. But how I felt, was absolutely miserable. While one side of me, had all of the answers, the other side just kept telling me that I couldn’t possibly be good enough, smart enough, or wise enough to ever feel the true meaning of love, self-leadership, and power. Everyday you wake up ready to take on the world, with new ideas, trying your best to do new things to give to your life some meaning. However, something always keeps you from appreciating every second of the day. Maybe your haircut is terrible and your late for an audition. Maybe you had a great lunch with your friend, but now you have to go back to an empty apartment. Maybe the kids are screaming too loud and your wife can’t control them. Or maybe you’re addicted to Candy Crush. Either way, it’s always something keeping you from doing what you desire to be doing or the life you dream of living. What if, there was a place and time, when you could actually look at yourself in the mirror and genuinely love every ounce of you, so much that when you look at another human being, its easy to love them too?
I wrote this because this is NOW how I feel after working with the brilliant and talented healer, Luca Bosurgi. Who’s work is not only brilliant, but it transforms your life completely. It’s my theory that his work is so effective is because it comes from an incredibly refreshing place of love. That is why we are all in need of help, therapy, healing, whatever you call it.. We need LOVE! Today I can truly say, life is wonderful and it feels like a gift to be who I really am. I am my best success. In other words. If you really want to become a more wonderful human being, then you shouldn’t hesitate to go to his website and read about his work. Make the change you have been longing for in your life.” Destiny Roger – Musical Dancer/Producer